Today officially marks my due date. I’ve had this post scheduled to go off no matter what, but there is a good chance I am just sitting here watching the same guests go from Good Morning America to Kelly and Michael still pregnant as all get out because I have the gestation period of an Asian elephant.
But it is fine. However, I want to address the same question I’ve been fielding since announcing the pregnancy…so how are you going to keep up with the blog? Uh, the same way I always have? Winging it?
I hate to come off a little snippy here because I know the question askers mean well, but it is the kind of question that somewhat insinuates that life doesn’t really go on once you’re pregnant (and let me be the first to admit that this assumption could very well be rooted in my own self-consciousness). It particularly rubbed me the the wrong way in the beginning, especially in regards to the fashion side of this blog, as if I would be relegated to nothing but grey Jansport sweatpants because obviously I’d be throwing in the towel.
As far as I am concerned, the blog will continue to be the blog. The posts will slow down initially and may take on some different forms (hello, I’m about to have the cutest prop on earth), but it will be what it has been from the beginning, an evolution of what I’ve got going on. I’m actually sitting on some out posts for the sole reason of having a reason to post something post baby.
And listen, I am fully aware that I have no idea what my life is going to look like with a newborn. It might be delusional to think that for the first few weeks, I should expect to get anything done other than putting my hair in a top knot. I get it. But I’d like to think that I can sneak in a little internet time and contribute to this outlet that I very much love. No matter how busy or miserable my life gets, this blog has never been a point of stress. Even when posts take longer than planned, or I’m grappling for material, I’m never bothered by it. I foresee this being the same beacon of fun it has always been, just now with a squirrely kid by my side.
But with all that talk, I am here to say that I am going to have this post serve as a see ya when I see ya. I could still be pregnant in a week’s time, but I do want today to serve as a bookend for what is about to come. The obsessively organized side of me (who are we kidding, it is the whole of me) needs to have some sense of finality entering into the post-due date world. While it would be fitting, I could not go from a post about how good the beer cheese at Krueger’s is to oh, I officially had that kid! I am controlled by like-things being together, so I needed to address this maternity leave so that when I do come back, it makes sense that it is in the brave new world.
At this point, I’d like to tell you that this is not at all what I planned on rambling about. I actually intended to come up with the forty stages of grief, panic, and excitement of my pregnancy, but this is a perfect example of what happens when you just let yourself write. And if it matters to you, I feel forty pounds lighter.
Isn’t my brain fun?
But I am in fact going to leave you with a condensed list of what I’ve experienced during this endless pregnancy. Do read the following with a sense of humor. I have been all sorts of crazy and scared during this process because I was all sorts of crazy and scared about getting pregnant in the first place. I know how lucky Kenny and I are that we found ourselves in this situation rather easily and have had a clean bill of health the entire time, but it has not been without its trials, especially given how unknown and how unfamiliar this whole process is. But when my kid grows up to be a Nobel Laureate, I’ll be reminded again that it was all worth it.
But for your pleasure, this is what my life’s been like since November:
- I was nauseas for an entire week before taking a pregnancy test on a whim. Each day I blamed a piece of cheesecake that I sampled early one Monday morning.
- It was the first time I ever purchased or took a pregnancy test, I didn’t tell Kenny I was doing it, and I do remember driving home and feeling one fleeting thought of disappointment if it ended up negative.
- But then when the test was positive, I called Kenny home from work in such a tearful state that he thought I was beckoning him home to tell him someone died.
- From that point forward, I think the longest span I went not-crying was maybe six days. Maybe.
- Kenny one time told me to chew potato chips with my mouth shut and I burst into tears.
- I’ve found that there really is no need for those things no one told you about pregnancy lists because there has been no loss of telling. There has been lots of telling. People love telling.
- And when there was something I did want or need to know, I asked. You should see the text messages I sent my sister-in-law.
- Somewhere in the middle, when the pregnancy felt officially real and yet the labor part was a ways off, I started getting super panicky about the labor part. So much so that I think I was inducing some panic attacks.
- With that I thought, now’s the time to watch a birth on YouTube, hoping that the version I worked up in my mind was worse than reality. It wasn’t. Plan backfired.
- I was told, but I didn’t expect for the last few weeks to be as hard as they were. My own mental struggle was the blessing and curse of being off for summer. On the front end, I had an awesome amount of time to get things in order that helped me feel prepared. On the back end, I had nothing but time to sit and think and wait. Brutal.
- Physically, at the end here, has been equally as hard. I had no idea that rolling from my right side to my left at night would be the equivalent of the P90X plyometrics DVD.
- We didn’t find out the sex, but I do know for sure that this kid has a foot. That bad boy has sure let me know it is here, it is near, get used to it.
- My head has been an endless cycle of freaking out and working on being excited. Do not get me wrong, I will love this kid and I am going to eat every word I’ve ever said, but I’m definitely scared. I think you have to be.
I think that’s it. At this point, I’m ready for the pregnant part to be over and for the real work to begin, but I also know the second it does officially start happening, I am going to lose my shit. Sorry, but it is going to be nuts. But I am looking forward to a glorious update upon my return where I brag about how not big of a deal it was…wishful thinking is another mental defense of mine.